How To Improve Legal Writing
By Judge Mark P. Painter
Though egregious examples abound, much legal writing is not terrible. But it can easily be improved. Let’s take this example: * Before On April 26, 2001, claimant-appellant, Howard Ward, injured his right knee in the course of and arising from his employment with appellee Coin Co., a self-insured employer. Coin certified the claim for “right knee sprain” but refused to certify the conditions of medial meniscus tear and chondromalacia of the right knee. On Nov. 28, 2001, a district hearing officer allowed the knee sprain but disallowed the latter conditions “by direct causation or aggravation.” The order was affirmed by a staff hearing officer on Aug. 16, 2001, and further appeal was refused by the Industrial Commission. Ward appealed to the Bovine County Court of Common Pleas pursuant to R.C. 4123.512. In his complaint, Ward sought to participate in the Workers’ Compensation Fund for medial meniscus tear and chondromalacia of the right knee. However, a month before the scheduled trial date of June 12, 2003, Ward filed a motion to amend the complaint to add the conditions of aggravation of preexisting degenerative joint disease and aggravation of preexisting osteoarthritis. The trial court granted the motion over Coin’s objection and rescheduled the trial for Sept. 25, 2003. Ward then dismissed his chondromalacia claim, and the cause proceeded to trial by jury on the remaining claims. None of us would be surprised to see these two paragraphs in the middle of a brief or opinion. But look at this revision: * After Appellant Howard Ward injured his knee while working for appellee Coin Co., a self-insured employer. Coin certified the claim for “right knee sprain” but refused to certify the conditions of medial meniscus tear and chondromalacia of the right knee. A district hearing officer allowed the knee sprain but disallowed the latter conditions “by direct causation or aggravation.” A staff hearing officer affirmed the order. The Industrial Commission refused further appeal. Ward appealed to the Bovine County Common Pleas Court.1 He sought to participate in the Workers’ Compensation Fund for medial meniscus tear and chondromalacia of the right knee. A month before the scheduled trial date, Ward moved to amend his complaint to add the conditions of aggravation of preexisting degenerative joint disease and aggravation of preexisting osteoarthritis. The trial court granted the motion over Coin’s objection. Ward then dismissed his chondromalacia claim. The case was tried by a jury on the remaining claims. The Fix The length has been cut from 202 words to 154, a 24 percent reduction. This was done by (1) taking out non-essential dates – remember that when you put in an exact date you are signaling to the reader that the exact date is important, although few are; (2) taking out legalisms such as in the course of and arising from – this was not even an issue in the case; (3) shortening the sentences; (4) making the passive voice active; and (5) taking the jumble of letters and numbers out of the paragraph by using footnotes. While we might differ over some of the changes – for instance the last two sentences could easily be one – I think we would all agree that the second version is much better than the first. All of the changes decrease clutter and increase readability. Because of the medical terms, the readability score can never go very high for this piece. But it did go from 25 to 38, a 52 percent increase. And the words per sentence went from 22 to 15. The grade level made the most difference – from grade 14.3 (mid-college) to 10.7 (mid-high school) on the Flesch readability ease score. [1] See R.C. 4123.512 |
____________________________________
Mark Painter has served as a judge on the Ohio First District Court of Appeals for 10 years, after 13 years on the Hamilton County Municipal Court. He has served as an Adjunct Professor at the University of Cincinnati College of Law since 1990. Judge Painter is the author of five books, including The Legal Writer: 40 Rules for the Art of Legal Writing. The third edition of that book was published in May. It is available from http://books.lawyersweekly.com. Judge Painter has given dozens of seminars on legal writing and will give his six-hour legal writing seminar in October in Las Vegas and Reno; in December in Cleveland, Columbus, and Toledo, Ohio; and a 12-hour version on the high seas in January. Info on the seminars: www.pesi.com. Contact him through his website, www.judgepainter.org